Feedback request: I want to make better characters for the GM to work with

I have usually waited to join a game before creating a character. My reasoning have always been that I didn't want to lock myself to an idea that could not be incorporated into the games story. The characters "thing", or what made them interesting to play, came second, and I realised that those characters who didn't have it, were not interesting to play.


I want to try something different. I want to create a few D&D 5e characters that are interesting to play but also has a lot of touch-points for the GM to work with.


The Warlock
I saw the ritual in this trailer from the upcomming warlock game and got inspired for a warlock. I also want to answer the question, why did they form a pact. I like the arthurian lady of the lake delivering system of the blade, and I'm really currious of what kind of patron that have granted her the warlock classJenny Rennor—heir to House Rennor, the Veilbreakers—lived a mostly normal teen life in the shadow of her parents’ legendary adventuring reputation. Then everything snapped: her parents were quietly summoned away by powerful authority and never returned. Days later, someone tried to break into Jenny’s home, not like a common thief but like a professional searching for something. Jenny suspected that it was an occult chest left in the Rennors’ care by their parents’ Constantine-like former companion, Feister.

Terrified, Jenny smuggled the chest to her halfling childhood friend Pippa Bramblefoot’s house and hid there overnight. That same night, Jenny’s family home was burned to the ground—less a burglary than an attempt to erase her and whatever secrets the Veilbreakers kept. Cornered and convinced she was next, Jenny opened the chest in the attic and found a spell-tome and a ritual for claiming a unique blade. With nowhere safe left to run, she performed the rite and drew a sword from a small basin of still water, binding herself to it and becoming a Hexblade warlock.

Now she’s living in the aftermath: a vanished family, a burned past, a pact-bound weapon, and a secret relationship with Cade Varrent—an artificer from the Varrents, her parents’ professional rivals—while she sets out to find her parents or uncover what really pulled the Veilbreakers into the dark

Key Persons
Jenny Rennor (of the Veilbreakers): late-teen human, trying to survive long enough to learn what happened to her parents.

Jenny’s Parents (House Rennor — the Veilbreakers): established adventurers known for exposing illusions, curses, frauds, and uncomfortable truths; vanished after a quiet noble/royal summons.

"Uncle" Feister: former party member of her parents; John Constantine vibe—occult savvy, morally flexible, runs on favors and bad decisions. He left a locked chest in the Rennors’ safekeeping.

Pippa Bramblefoot: halfling childhood friend; helped Jenny hide the chest and gave her shelter. Pippa knows Jenny has been sneaking around with "a boy," but doesn’t know it’s Cade Varrent or what that means.

Cade Varrent: young artificer from House Varrent, professional rivals to the Veilbreakers. Jenny has been secretly seeing him.

Short timeline of the ordeal
The Summons: Jenny’s parents are called away by a king/high noble (quiet, urgent). They leave fast and don’t return.
The Silence: Days pass with no word. Jenny tries to keep life normal—fails.
Break-in Attempt: Someone tries to force entry to Jenny’s home, searching for something specific.
The Chest Moved: Jenny realizes the most valuable target is Feister’s chest. She smuggles it to Pippa’s family home.
The Fire: That night, Jenny’s family house is burned to the ground—erasure, not theft.
The Chest Opened: In the attic, Jenny opens the chest and finds a spell-tome and instructions for a claiming ritual.
The Ritual: Fearing they’ll come for her next, Jenny performs the rite and draws a sword from a small basin of water.
Aftermath: Jenny becomes a Hexblade warlock and leaves home behind—seeking either her parents or the truth of what’s happening.The Monk
I never played a monk, as I can't reconsile the western fantacy trope with the eastern martial artists, but I finally got an idea. How his guy is turning magic inwards to improve his body, and being fueled by elemental spirits. Light as wind, flexible like water, hard as stone, ect. All the monks abilities without being an Avatar the last airbender -wannabe.

Short timeline
Early life: Calvin grows up bookish and observant, fascinated by elemental spirits and "living forces." His older brother begins training/serving as a paladin and becomes the family’s shining example.

Student years: Calvin studies as a scholar (formal academy or private tutelage). He meets Sir Thomas Esquire, who recognizes Calvin’s unusual approach and takes him on as a protégé—especially for field research into Thin Places.

The Ordeal (first binding attempt): Calvin attempts to pull elemental power directly—too much, too raw, too soon. A violent surge leaves Lichtenberg scars up both arms. He survives, but the experience changes him: he can’t "do magic" normally, yet he can channel elemental qualities through discipline.

Aftermath: Calvin doubles down on a non-traditional path: bodily attunement, ritual science, and field exposure. Sir Thomas becomes more invested—either as protector, sponsor, or someone who now needs Calvin to succeed.

Funding crisis: Travel and research cost money. Calvin enters debt to a merchant and begins dating the merchant’s daughter to keep the funding flowing.

Present day (campaign start): Calvin goes adventuring to find stronger, rarer elemental resonances—partly for knowledge, partly for power, and partly to become someone who isn’t "the paladin’s disappointing brother."

Key persons in Calvin’s life
Sir Thomas Esquire (Mentor)
Third son of a high noble with little prospect of real power. Turned his ambition into knowledge and influence instead. He mentors Calvin in locating and understanding Thin Places and the "rules" of approaching elemental forces safely (or safer). Likely protective of Calvin, but also hungry for results.

Calvin’s older brother (Paladin / Hero)
A celebrated figure—dutiful, admired, and publicly "good." Calvin constantly tries to live up to him and can’t. Whether the brother knows it or not, he’s Calvin’s measuring stick… and a source of quiet shame.

The Merchant Creditor (Patron-by-debt)
The person funding Calvin’s continued studies and travel. Practical, transactional, and expects value back—access, discoveries, prestige, or leverage. Holds Calvin’s future in a ledger.

The Merchant’s daughter (Unfortunate romantic leverage)
Calvin is dating her to secure favor and funding. She’s painfully dull and boring, which makes Calvin feel guilty, trapped, or faintly resentful. She can become a social complication at any time (family expectations, engagement pressure, scandal risk).

The public / academic community (A "person-shaped" pressure)
Even without naming specific professors yet, Calvin’s work and scars make him noticeable. People with authority will have opinions: curiosity, fear, envy, or moral judgment.

I'm not sure if I'm the right person to give advice on this, as I don't really do DnD/PF, so I'm not sure if things are done differently there. That being said, as one of the few people (as far as I can remember from the thread on the subject) who actually requests concepts/characters before inviting, I can tell you what I look for and provide some feedback on the two above concepts. Maybe that can be helpful.

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The main thing I'm looking for is to get a feel for the character as a person. Who are they? What their personality is like? How do they react to situations? I want to understand who the player wants to play and if that sort of person (as in character, not the player) will be a good fit for the game I'm planning to run.

The second thing I want to see is the character's backstory in broad strokes. I don't need a detailed year-by-year account of their lives and what flavor of ice cream the like. Just some touchstones, to ideally inform their personality, ideas, leanings, morals, etc. Those basic can be later refined after the player is invited in the "Session Zero/Character Creation" thread.

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So for your concepts. Both fail to tell me who these people are. I read what they are but I still don't know who they are. Is Jenny the Warlock a feisty happy-go-lucky ray of sunshine, trying to stay positive despite her circumstances? Or is she a vengeful demon, willful, domineering and hellbent on finding people responsible for the horrors wrought upon her and her family? Calvin the Monk is slightly better as you can grasp at some personal characteristics from his backstory, but that still is not enough. Who is he? What drives him? Is he bitter and cynical because he is now unable to do magic the "right way"? Is he stoic and unmoving, hiding deep sorrow and sadness behind his toughness for the dream of becoming an Archmage has forever left his grasp? I don't know. And that is what I want to know.

The general backstory is sorta there, but there is also lots of details in places where there is no need for them. The attached NPCs (the "key persons") can be absolutely dropped, for there is no need to know all these people at this stage. Instead of describing all these timelined events, I would've preferred to see a more broad overview of life until now.

So, for example, if I wanted to submit Jenny the Warlock for a game, here is how I would've wrote her.

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Jenny Rennor, 17, is a daughter of a minor Noble House, Rennor. Her parents received their peerage through their achievements as adventurers. Growing up in a family who are both nobles and former adventurers, young Jenny learned from her parents to be independent, self-sufficient and clever, using her ingenuity to problem solve. As Rennors were not originally nobles, Jenny had much more freedom growing up, meeting all kinds of people, playing outside and receiving training in both swordplay and magical arts. Strong-willed and bullheaded, she never turned down a challenge, be that to learn a song about her parents exploits, created by their old party member of a bard or to speed-climb a tree with the local commoners kids. Her parents were good folk and taught their daughter to stand up for what's right and to protect the weak. However, within Jenny, a poised fruit slowly grew, as she observed the peasants suffering from the unfairly large taxes, bled dry by the count in charge of their parents domain. In the faces of bandits, hanged in the town square for their crimes, she recognized former locals, driven to banditry by poverty. From her earnest desire to protect those important to her, she began to hate those in power.

As she grew, she began to clash with her parents, who she felt weren't doing enough for their people. "You are not a Lord, just another servant of that bastard of a count! You should hurry, his shoes won't be licking themselves!" - she spitefully said when a missive arrived, summoning both her mother and father. Those would be the last words she said to them before their disappearance.

A month later, no news of her parents reached the manor. She woke that night from the smell of heavy smoke. Someone set her home on fire. Coughing, her watered eyes barely seeing what's in front of her, she stumbled from her room into the hallway packed with dense smoke. "I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die..!" - she thought, panicked. Suddenly, she felt a pull, a mystic call, an ambiguous promise of safety, coming from her parent's bedroom. Barely managing to crawl there, she leaned on an old, ornate chest, where her parents kept their old gear, in the corner of the room. "OPEN ME" - something whispered in her mind. A terrible premonition filled her with dread. Were she to open the chest - there would be no way back. But if she didn't - it would all be gone. Her friends she swore to protect, her parents.. And people responsible would go unpunished. Justice would not be served. With an newfound, steeled resolve, she reaches for the chest and opens it..

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Something like that, I guess. Probably should've skipped writing that concept bit, but oh well. :3 Hopefully that was helpful somewhat.

This site differs from other sites I’ve posted on, GM’s on other sites generally require an application with Appearance/Personality/Background. Not necessarily a Character Sheet, but if you’ve already done that much then you usually pretty much have your mechanical character in mind.

I’d say keep those concepts on-file, and an upcoming interest check warrants one, then be ready to plug in.
Hope that helps. :)

I'm lazy. I don't want to read your damned backstory. Half the time, I won't read your PC's species or class.

Show me, don't tell me.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have a backstory on your character sheet, but I'll only read it if I've read the rest of the internet and am still bored, or I don't understand what your character means when they say something.

Even some in-game obvious exposition like...

Trev winces, causing his cracked spectacles to nudge themselves to the end of his button nose.

"I'm awfully sorry, chaps. Whilst nothing would be more exhilarating than sallying forth to give battle 'pon the rats plaguing the tavern cellar, I promised Sharon that I'd look after the twins this morning. They kept her up all night with their teething."

He pushed the glasses back in place with his wand - a wand which now looked a little gnawed.

"Would you mind postponing the endeavour until this afternoon?"

...tells me more about a character than a dozen paragraphs of backstory that I won't read.

e.g. I'd be noting down:

• Murder Sharon?
• Kidnap twins?
• Cursed rusks?

I stopped writing background beyond a bare bones when it became clear that no matter how outstanding the prose, most people just don't care. It will never be relevant to the story being told.

Anyway less is more.

Please bear with me and my dodgy keyboard :P

I'm going to jump in and say as a DM I like backstory, at least a few paragraphs that will help me jump off and plan things, and also key persons I can include and work with. Makes a world feel more like it's including the characters. I tried to run a game a couple of years ago and no-one built backstory and the players even refused to discuss with one another how their characters knew each other/ a couple of details how they saw each other, when they had been working together and training together for many years, and for me personally that was jarring, and also felt like they didn't want to invest anything into the game. Of course that is less of an issue for games where characters do start as strangers!

I get that works for some people, and again I didn't want pages of details but a few notes of 'Has a rivalry with x' or 'looks up to after they saved their life' gives some foundation to build off in game.

I think that amount above is the right amount. Not a slog to read through and with superfluous details, but has some key points and people to work off, and lets me at least get a brief sense of the characters, and where I may go with things.

Of course then more of the character can be developed and discovered as the story happens as Adam shows above.You can do both.

On the building the backstory before you even have a game, I think that very much comes down to the DM and game. Alot of my older games had a setup that I would like the players to tie back stories in, and I do like it when the setting and game concept inspires character ideas. But I suppose you can still have a basic idea in your head,and then just tweak details to fit the setting and set up.As long as you are willing to do that, and not refuse to change anything/adapt for the DM and setting.

I ran a game years ago where the idea was all character were descendants of deities...and not a single player actually added that in their backstory, just linking them in different ways instead. While one asking if they can switch it up is alright with good reason, again can be disheartening when all of them are ignoring a key aspect. It felt like they were in the game for the sake of the game, and not because they liked the concept.

So that was a lot of rambling with not much of a point - But I think basically it depends on the DM and the story. Prewriting it and setting it up tat way may work for some and not others.Just always be willing to adjust it.

As a GM, I’m closer to the "show it" camp. What I really want from a background is not detail for its own sake, but consequences that can actually appear at the table. If something happened in your past, I’m interested in it only insofar as it can matter now: beliefs that shape your current decisions, obligations that complicate things, people who might plausibly show up, or scars—social or literal—that affect how the world treats you. I don’t need to be told that a character hates authority. That should come out in their choices, dialogue, or hesitation when a noble gives orders. Because of that, I often won’t use player’s timelines, NPC lists, or tightly plotted personal mysteries with fixed answers—not because they’re bad, but because they can’t hit the table organically. They usually end up ignored or constraining our game.

That said, I don’t think background is pointless. A background that answers "who is this character?" can be very useful, even if it’s mostly for the player rather than the GM. It helps keep the character consistent in how they react, what they value, and where they bend or break. I don’t need all of that written out in prose, but I do want to feel it during play.

For me, the sweet spot is a clear sense of personality and pressures, a few hooks that can intrude on the present after I describe some scene/quest/challenge/NPC, and plenty of blank space for the campaign to fill in.

PS: One thing I really like, especially in PbP, is using brief flashbacks to reveal background during play. A short remembered scene triggered by a situation—a smell, a phrase, a familiar kind of danger—can say far more than a prewritten backstory and does so at the moment it actually matters.

Thank you all, your feedback is appreciated.

Of course, when presenting a character, an indication of personality / personal drive is mandatory.
What I was going for here was to provide the GM with some hooks in the character that could be useful to engage with. It has been an area where I feel I have been lacking in a lot of my characters.
I agree that in games, especially published games, deep background stories are a waste of time, because the plot is already decided. Venture into the dungeon and kill the glitch, please bring your own motivation.
Then there are the games where you tailor your character to fit the adventure, and those I enjoy more than the generic adventure group dungeon crawls.
I have been just as lazy when I was a GM.
With this feedback, I should just make a short list with bullet points of NCP's that will have an instant hook into my character for the GM. And if the GM wants details, then there is a longer story (like my initial post, nothing longer than that)

NPCs

• Jenny’s Parents: Adventures, disappeared
• "Uncle" Feister: Family friend, John Constantine vibe
• Pippa Bramblefoot: Childhood friend
• Cade Varrent: Secret boyfriend

"Show, don't tell"
It's a good takeaway
...And this is a fantastic way to do it! I'm absolutely adopting this!

I do read character backstories when they are submitted, but I'll be honest. Anything more than a paragraph or two and you'll lose me. I'll read it, but I won't absorb it. As a GM, I look for things that I can exploit, like your bulleted list. I don't need to know that Jenny is a little ray of sunshine and roses. All I need to know is that she has lost her parents and has a friend and an uncle.

I do pretty much the same as htech for my own characters; minimal backstory and flesh it out during play.

This is the way.

One or two paragraphs of "why I did this" is better than a novel of "what I have done."

The latter comes off as "I am the main character" where the PCs are seldom even major plot points. Some systems disagree and make them the chosen ones, but the world lore seldom supports that even when it is the case.

It would be refreshing to see a world that actively hates the PCs for being chosen. But that seems like a lot of effort.

I would just chime in to say that two things matter:

1. What is the game about? Some games are *built* around those character backstories -- be they bullets or novels. Especially if there's a lot of home-brew going on, many of those elements can be right in the foreground. But if you're embarking on some specific quest and the group is already busy with stuff...

2. The number of players matters. The more PCs, the more of a headache all these elaborate backstories can become. In a duet or game with two PCs, interlocking histories can be *really* cool to play into. But if you have 4-5-6 or more PCs? The GM will indeed just tune out, and so often will a lot of other players.

I always use something from my players' backstories, whether they've submitted a long or short one, even if I'm running the most straightforward dungeoncrawl. I treat its content the same way as I would the details on a character sheet, as something to weave into the game I'm running, if I can. That's part of the fun for me, to make sense of why the PCs could be relevantly connected to the current story.

That said, I can't vouch for how interesting or boring players' backstories are: some are extremely well-thought though, a few are a bit too full of it honestly :P

As I GM I definitely appreciate this kind of list more than a lengthy text with too many details.
To add to that, I think a GM who is interested in using your background in the story will ask the needed questions to make that happen. Chances are it wouldn't be in the detailed description anyway. For example "What were Jenny's parents last working on?".
Agreed. It becomes very difficult to make everyone's backstory relevant to the story. Even if that background is built to fit the narrative of the game. If everyone is having their own personal goal on top of the 'quest at hand', it will be a challenge to give each player the satisfaction of that goal being worked on throughout the campaign.

In my experience it's usually 1 or 2 players who really push to reach their character's personal goals and the others are mostly along for the ride. (I'm the latter :D )

One thing that's been a bit of a pet peeve for me is players who declare that their character can no longer be part of the story as their background goal makes them want to go in another direction. This is one of the reasons why I don't make elaborate backgrounds. I'm happy to change my character's narrative to fit with the story (when needed) so they can remain with the party. And as a GM I also prefer this. That way it's not needed to introduce a new character half way into the story when it can be avoided :)

I prefer to keep things vague until the details become relevant.

Three very general thoughts that may or may not be helpful, all of which are just ways to think of how your choice of character exists inside the game rather than outside it:

1. A character is more than just their relationship to mechanical decisions. Deciding how your powers work is great, but it won't really change how you portray them or how to world reacts to them. Who they are is more tangible than what they are. If you like the idea of a (in the initial example) Monk's powers come from a variant source then ask how does that impact your character's view of the world? How do modern people who try to perfect their minds and bodies act (gym addicts perhaps?) and how much of their ability to converse does this obsession dominate? Why is perfection such a focus for this character? What made him feel imperfect in the past? Or is it purely a philosophical exercise? Using those decisions to tell you something about a character is more likely to be useful at the table than just an alternate rationale for a set of abilities.

2. When I GM I don't want to jury rig a sequel to your backstory into my plot. Sequels suck. I can use your backstory most easily if it stops in the middle. EARLY in the middle. If you want me to read your IC fiction that's great, but if you want it to appear in game as more than a nod then don't resolve that plot, set it up and leave it hanging.

If you want a classical storytelling beat for where to stop, it should be right after your character has first met with whatever obstacle stands in their way and suffered a major defeat. If they've overcome an obstacle then I can't reintroduce it. Your warlock has some of this in place, but it also feels closed in many ways.

3. Tell me what you want. Good characters are driven by something, they have a goal they're pursuing and the less obvious and generic (become stronger) the better. Maybe you want to reverse an injustice, help some people, change something about the world, make something in the world. Having a goal other than "resolve the story the GM provides" or "level up" is a big part of making a strong character - way bigger than choosing small details like an accent or a character-specific fidget or personal irk (though these small beats are often more memorable, they just as often end up reducing character to caricature.)

This isn't to say you have to have some elaborate personal quest, just something I can use to motivate the character in a personal way. If you're an adventurer then you're taking big risks for generous money - what's the cash for? If you're in it to altruistically save the world then what part of that world matters most? If there's a personal failing that can only be overcome by great feats like vanity or penance for some sin then explain it. Often knowing why you're here is more important that how you got here.

Hope those help!

Yea, I feel like this is re-litigating the issue that was already talked about in the other thread, but I see something like this as a GM and I'm like:

"Great, they just gave me MORE work to do."

The burden is now on the GM to find or create places where this character's story fits. That's a meta-level mental load. That's a burden. That's work.

It's more collaborative - it distributes the actual meta level work that must be done - for the player to wait until they're given the campaign world/setting/premise, and then doing the work of fitting their character into that themselves.

Shouldering that work/burden/mental load themself.

The best way to have a character that the GM can work with is... to not make the GM have to do the work of working with them.

Adapt your character to the premise that's on the table. That's how you help the GM imo

If a player wants their character tied into the story the player needs to tie them into the story.

(For me.)