Jun 18, 2024 3:18 am
It takes a moment for Koveras to meet her eyes. When he does, she finds him calmer. "I... Yes."
He takes a book off the shelf, something for his hands to feel and toy with as he speaks. "What I know of orc culture I learned from Winski. And then I read your uncle's book, and it showed a very different way of life." His finger traces the book's cover. "Keggruk wrote of purpose. He wrote of the genuinely good qualities of orc-kind and how they can shape a lifestyle without Gruumsh's influence. He wrote of... families that strengthen one another, rather than..." He lets that thought trail off.
"It just sounded like a fantasy, one that I couldn't have ever conjured up myself. And interspersed throughout were comments about his family. And many about you. I... felt - problematically, I admit - like I knew you better than I actually did." He lightly taps the book against his forehead. "Such an idiot. I idolized you. I put you on a pedestal."
He glances at Aiwe. "I didn't think you would solve all of my problems with a wave of your hand. But at the time, I hoped that... Well. How could I not? I hoped that perhaps some of what I perceived as your happiness would rub off on me. I didn't want you to fix me, I was just... looking for happiness, I suppose." He looks back at his chosen book. "And at the time, I thought I'd felt a connection between us. One that could possibly be romantic. Again, how could I not hope that might be the case? I won't embarrass either of us any further by enumerating your attractive qualities."
Koveras slouches against the bookcase, as though it's the only thing holding him up. "I tried to explain what I was feeling. I did so poorly, and without thought for how you must have been feeling at the time. I couldn't have had worse timing."
He shakes his head, trying to find a way through his ramblings. "In short, I made a fool of myself and disrespected you. Quite the opposite of what I'd intended to do. But..." He gingerly raises his eyes to hers. "Yes. If I allow myself to think of an ideal life, one I'd wish for myself were I not what I am, I think of a life with you. One in which we're the truest, most complete of friends. Understanding one another's faults, and committed to making the world a better place together. As a family."
The half-orc slaps the book against the open palm of his other hand, as though trying to use the sound to banish the previous thought. "You asked. I answered." Aiwe notices his hands trembling slightly as he replaces the book on the shelf.
He takes a book off the shelf, something for his hands to feel and toy with as he speaks. "What I know of orc culture I learned from Winski. And then I read your uncle's book, and it showed a very different way of life." His finger traces the book's cover. "Keggruk wrote of purpose. He wrote of the genuinely good qualities of orc-kind and how they can shape a lifestyle without Gruumsh's influence. He wrote of... families that strengthen one another, rather than..." He lets that thought trail off.
"It just sounded like a fantasy, one that I couldn't have ever conjured up myself. And interspersed throughout were comments about his family. And many about you. I... felt - problematically, I admit - like I knew you better than I actually did." He lightly taps the book against his forehead. "Such an idiot. I idolized you. I put you on a pedestal."
He glances at Aiwe. "I didn't think you would solve all of my problems with a wave of your hand. But at the time, I hoped that... Well. How could I not? I hoped that perhaps some of what I perceived as your happiness would rub off on me. I didn't want you to fix me, I was just... looking for happiness, I suppose." He looks back at his chosen book. "And at the time, I thought I'd felt a connection between us. One that could possibly be romantic. Again, how could I not hope that might be the case? I won't embarrass either of us any further by enumerating your attractive qualities."
Koveras slouches against the bookcase, as though it's the only thing holding him up. "I tried to explain what I was feeling. I did so poorly, and without thought for how you must have been feeling at the time. I couldn't have had worse timing."
He shakes his head, trying to find a way through his ramblings. "In short, I made a fool of myself and disrespected you. Quite the opposite of what I'd intended to do. But..." He gingerly raises his eyes to hers. "Yes. If I allow myself to think of an ideal life, one I'd wish for myself were I not what I am, I think of a life with you. One in which we're the truest, most complete of friends. Understanding one another's faults, and committed to making the world a better place together. As a family."
The half-orc slaps the book against the open palm of his other hand, as though trying to use the sound to banish the previous thought. "You asked. I answered." Aiwe notices his hands trembling slightly as he replaces the book on the shelf.
