4. Silvershield Estate

Koveras blinks - practically a flinch - at Aiwe's 'joke'. And then leans back in relief.
"You can't tell us what it is, I understand that. But are her visions... real? Does she see the future? Does Aldous die if she stays, or something like that? That would actually make some sense and explain some things..." He considers that for a moment, then shakes his head. "Anyway, have you told her what the problem is? That she doesn't trust you, appreciate you, believe in you?"

Koveras' flinch immediately fills her with shame. "Sorry, Blood," she murmurs in Orcish.

Louder, she continues. "Stella is a true seer. Certain kinds of people would do a lot to her and her friends to get at that power. The fact that she can't control it makes it easier for her to be discovered. Add that to the fact that experiencing the visions is terrifying for her, and she's consumed with fear." She taps her plate with her fork, her first rhythm in some time.

"She doesn't have to go home. There are other options. But it's the one she wants." She puts the fork down. "She's entitled to that. She doesn't need another reason."

Aiwë leans her chair back on two legs, then quickly drops it to four again at her carpenter grandfather's scolding echoing in her ears.

"No. I haven't said anything to her. We haven't exactly had a minute, and she doesn't need another thing on her plate right now."

Koveras folds his arms on the table. "Wouldn't she have less on her plate if she knew how to make things right by you?" He rolls his shoulders, no doubt feeling some aches from hunching over that desk most of the day. "Either that, or it isn't your job to keep her plate clear, and you should just unload on her. Let her know what, specifically, she's done to hurt your feelings."

"Its not my job to keep her plate clear. I've already stopped doing it, but how could I ever do that to her? Unload on her?" Aiwë shakes her head. "You didn't see her pain."

Koveras tilts his head to the side, eyes locked with Aiwë's. "But I've seen your pain. And Aldous' pain."

He speaks firmly. "Right now all this pain is festering. And it'll get worse if not resolved. There are splinters in the wound, and it'll hurt to take them out, but it will be so much worse if you don't."

He shrugs. "The wound won't heal until it's properly cleaned out. I can't think of any better way to say it."

Dieter raises an eyebrow as the conversation continues without even a pause at his statement. He looks around and realizes he was sitting in a darker corner of the room

Aiwë clenches her jaw. Her entire body seems tight. She doesn't break eye contact.

Then she slowly leans forward until her forehead is resting on the table.

"I'll think about it," she grumbles noncommittally to the floor.

"I've seen your pain."

Without lifting her head, Aiwë reaches out and puts a hand on Koveras' folded arm. "Thank you," she says, and Koveras finds his shoulders and back eased from their day at the desk.

Aiwë casts Cure Wounds

Dieter sits in his chair. He hasn’t moved in a while and felt like he couldn’t move now or it would be weird…. Or was staying still weirder.

Stella's eyes-stars spark green, surprised and curious as Entar shares his story.

Quote:

"They'd give their lives for you. From what I understand, Dieter has already died once, and Aiwe lives to support you."

She knew this. What did it have to do with leaving?

Quote:

Whatever mistakes you make in your life, none will be worse than losing these friendships. Regardless of Baldur's Gate, regardless of Aldous, regardless of whatever else you have going on, you won't feel ready for anything or capable of anything until things are right with your friends.

"That's not why I'm leaving, but..." She squints, almost winces, "...how do I make things right, when I feel so...wrong?" she asks, shoulders slumping. She didn't expect him to have an answer. But he was right. She needed to make sure she was leaving on good terms. They deserved at least that.

Head still on the table, Aiwë reaches out her other hand onto Dieter's knee. "I don't know if you've noticed, you're very weird. It's okay. We don't mind."

Entar stands wearily. "All I know is that your unflappable bard looked like she was in just as much pain as you are. If you don't know why, you should at least try asking."

He blinks. "Now if only I can follow my own advice. Torm guide me..."

On his way out, just like his son before him, he nearly looks over his shoulder. "If our paths do not cross again... Farewell, Stella."

Try asking.

Stella knew why Aiwë was in pain. Aiwë poured everything into supporting her, having her back, trying to comfort her, and protect her this entire journey. And all Stella found herself doing in return was tremble in fear, complain, cry, and lie.

Quote:

On his way out, just like his son before him, he nearly looks over his shoulder. "If our paths do not cross again... Farewell, Stella."

"...right when I need you the most, my family, my city... the things I've learned today, I... you're just..."

If I really love Aiwë, if I really want to love Aldous...why can't I show it?

Left in the office alone, Stella's lip trembles and her eyes water.

Why do I always push people away?

Stella shudders a breath and lets out a whine, then begins sobbing.

Why can't I love?!

Stella lets out a whine. The tears begin to flow and then the whine intensifies until it becomes a primal scream, eyes alight with ice and fire. Her eyes were normally speckled with stars. Now they blazed like stars themselves.

Her body turns into stars and she transforms into a black bear. The bear grabs the chair she was sitting on and hurls it across the room, shattering off one of its legs against a bookshelf and causing several books to topple of out it.

She reverts to her normal self and tears off her hair tie letting her hair loose. Then she jerks her two tomes out—one old and packed to the brim, the other newer but still filled significantly. She slams each one open the desk with a shout. She opens them and begins tearing out bunches of pages, grunting with each shred, tossing them behind her. She blasts each book with radiant energy, sending the new one colliding with some decorative weaponry and her old one from home flying into the wall before it falls and lands face-open.

She pulls out and holds up her two stargazer lilies—she planned to press them both and give one to Aldous, a sign of forever being under the same stars—then she reaches up to crush them both with a claw-like grip. But she hesitates, her breath heavy and shuttering. Her eye fade to normal, but still filled with fiery orange stars. Then from orange to violet, and from violet to teal as her eyes look past the flowers and to the remains of her old tome, a particular page among those splayed out on the floor before her catching her eye.

She knew that page. It was a schedule.

Stella lowers her arms and steps over to the book, then crouches down and reaches to turn it over.

It was the page right before...

Lily's stargazer lily.

And Papa's letter.

Dearest Stella, I hope you find this in a time you need it.

In the room's silence, her gaze follows the words.

...Take courage with whatever path you've chosen to follow on your journey. The paths you choose don't matter so much as how you choose to walk them, for you are far more than your bow, or your herbalism, or your magic...

More than my magic...

...you shed a tremendous light wherever you put your gentle touch. Through your smile, through your eyes, and through your heart. I see in the faces of the Kuldaharans. The women, their children. Wirrow and Aiwë too. Their eyes brighter, their heads higher, their laughter sweeter, and their lives bettered for you being in them...

Aiwë's life...bettered for me being in it...

...I watched you growing up, taking your first steps, then taking bigger ones, hoping you would see your potential...You will continue to grow in marvelous ways...

I...I have grown... She picks up the page.

...and the world is dangerous. But the biggest danger will be yourself. To fear your past. To fear what you've done, what you could have been, or what you fear you cannot be...

Stella's breathing reaches a calm and steadiness.

...I hope you continue to become a watchwoman. To watch over others. Care for their needs and give them the chance to live and grow. To use your capacity to preserve life and hope. One soul at a time...

One soul at a time... She could only do that if she wasn't running from what people might do with her powers...and from what harm she might cause others.

...I hope that means something to you. Because You, my Little Star, most certainly mean something to me.

We will always be under the same stars.

With great love,
Zenithral

Stella's eyes are a misty swirl of teal and violet. A nebula of realization and gratitude.

"I love you too, Papa," Stella whispers, a tear falling onto the page next to his signature.

Stella exhales, closes her eyes, and holds the letter to her heart. Several previously unpleasant memories flash through her mind.

"Steady, Little Star!" Zenithral's voice comes as Stella shakily tries to draw her bow, gritting her teeth.
...
"It's only a few hundred feet of a drop!" he says, as they inch around a treacherous cliff face on what was supposed to be "a simple hunting trip."
...
The archer strides over and scoops up his daughter in his arms. "You're alright, Little Star. I've got you. Though your mother's going to kill me for this..." he says chuckling, then leaps off the towering tree.

Courage. He had trying to teach her courage.

Mama had told her that Papa, captain in the guard at one of the ten towns, once accidentally led his men into a deathtrap of undead. He always feared he would lead to more deaths. And while he let command fall on Alalla's shoulders during the war, he kept fighting. If he had given up the fight against the devils and demons out of fear for what he might cause...well, the world might be a very different place. Stella might not even have been born.

"I'm right behind you."
Aiwë had said that even after Stella betrayed her trust by trying to get around her protectiveness.

"The only place I feel I belong is beside you. Wherever that may be." Aldous had said.
And she could love.

Stella opens her eyes and inhales then exhales slowly.

No. She couldn't go home. Aiwë needed her. And this was Dieter's home. And Aldous'. Her powers might be the difference between a war starting or not. This was how she could make things right. What good was living if it wasn't with people who loved you...and that you loved back.

And if someone wanted to take advantage of what she could do and threaten the world with it, they'd have to go through her unyielding friends and her incredible family first.

Stella looks around at the disaster she just made in the office. She'd clean it up. Later.

She runs out of the room.

...

Stella bursts into the dining room, practically skidding to a stop and leans on the doorframe.

"I'm staying!"

Her hair is loose mess, seemingly half of it in her face.

"I—I've changed my mind," she studders, breathing heavy from running as she pulls her hair behind her. "I want to help. I'll talk to Jannath and Xan about precautions. I want to make things right," she says, looking Aiwë in the eyes, pleadingly and sincerely. "I just—I want to be her for you too." She looks around to the others. "All of you. If...if you'll still have me."

She looks at the others sheepishly, notices the cuts on everyone's arms, then blinks and shakes her head as if to clear it.

This moment wouldn't fix everything. Aiwë probably wouldn't trust her again, not right away—and rightly so...

But it was a start.

Dieter looks over at Stella bursting through the room.

"You sure?" Dieter asks he holds up his dagger like a question mark.

"We’re blood brothers now, it’s pretty cool"

Even inside Dieter hesitates, to scar Stella’s snow driven skin was a crime against nature.

Aiwë is out of her seat, knife drawn and one step into racing toward the sounds of mayhem from the Duke's office where Stella was supposed to have been safe. Met instead with one of the wildest looking Stellas she's ever seen, Aiwë takes a step backward.

"I..." She glances back at Koveras. "I appreciate the sentiment Stella," Stella, not 'sister-girl', "but it doesn't help anyone for you to just go through the motions of what you think I want. Of course I'll have you, but do you even understand why I'm upset?" She wants to add on Aldous too, but she leaves him out of it. Stella can clear that off her plate on her own.

She waves hands at Dieter's knife that say, put that away!

At least they were smart enough not to slice their hands. She wasn't sure what or why they were doing some blood oath, but if that's what they were doing, she'd try it too. "Um, sure! But...what does it mean?"
"I...I think so?" Stella hesitates, realizing how uncomfortable this would be in front of everyone at once.

"If you don't know why, you should at least try asking."
Courage, girl. Stella takes in a breath and exhales.

"But I don't know for certain. Can...you tell me? To help me make sure I understand?" She swallows.

Aiwë looks like she wants to wave a hand and dismiss it, say everything is fine. But she glances back at Koveras again and grits her teeth. Then she closes her eyes and begins.

"I thought we had a bond. Cousins, sisters! Everyone else would come and go but we had each other no matter what. Then, when things were at their hardest and I was there fighting Duke Jannath and Xan for you, and I looked you in your face and was trying to comfort you and help come up with precautions and solutions, you looked at me and saw not someone you could turn to, not someone you could rely on, not someone with knowledge and experience who wants to use it for your safety... you saw an obstacle between you and what you wanted." She opens her eyes and throws up her hands suddenly.

"Gruumsh's bloody socket, Stella!" The serious curse betrays her frustrations even if her tone does not. "My mother laid on a table and put a knife in your father's hand that he used to cut out her heart." She steps back and gestures at the table behind her like Stella might see Alalla laying on it. "The heart that beats in her chest now is one that he put there. He hated it but he trusted her, and she trusted him with that knife." Aiwë shakes her head. "I thought we had that. I thought you knew I would have joined Viconia's cult with you if we found it to be the best option. But I wasn't even worth the consultation. I wasn't reliable, or trustworthy, or..." She cuts off and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"You haven't been there for me but I didn't mind, you were having a hard time. But that wasn't the reason, was it? I'm looking back and I've realized... I'm not a part of your life. I'm just tangential to it. A little singing bird or protective guard dog that's nice to have around." She makes eye contact with Stella. "When I'm not in your way."

Stella's heart sinks. She wanted to tell Aiwë she was wrong. That they did have such a bond.

But...well, she wasn't. And they didn't.

Stella never asked to have Aiwë there for her. She always appreciated Aiwë. But Aiwë just...showed up her whole life. Protecting her. Comforting her. Championing her. But it had always felt just a bit like she was trying to make them into a pair, like their legendary parents. Aiwë was like Allala, and Stella like Zenithral. Make her into Papa, like Papa always tried to make her into Papa...

And Aiwë never seemed to need Stella's help. She always had everything figured out. Always strong and stalwart. What did Stella have to offer? Or so she had thought.

"You are reliable, and you are trustworthy. I...I didn't talk to you about it, because...because I knew you'd make the right decision and stop me. I was afraid of facing the pain of my powers. Not of you. I'm sorry I'm not Papa for you..." she says, shaking her head. She swallows and looks down. "You're right, we...don't have that bond and I have treated you like a tangent...someone who's there, and little else. I haven't let anyone be part of my life...not truly..."

She idly runs her fingers through her hair in front of her for a moment, then looks up. "...But is it too late to start?"

Aiwë's expression is flat and level. "I know. I know you didn't talk to me because of how you were feeling. That's the problem." She hangs her head, shaking it.

"Don't apologize for not being Zenithral. I don't want you to be your father." She gestures to herself with both hands. "Do you think I'm like my mother?" she scoffs. "If only. Look, it's on me that I saw something that wasn't there, and I don't need it to be there to care about you. It just... hurt that I thought I was valued by someone just to realize she was only thinking of herself."

She holds Stella's eyes. "That's what needs to change. You leaving was never the issue. We care about you and want you safe, and if going home is what you need that's alright. What we need is someone to care about this team, not just someone who will put on bandages and manage our finances. We can pay anyone to do that."

She takes a slow breath. "If that sounds good to you, you can start today."

Stella wants to look away but forces herself to hold Aiwë's gaze. A dozen excuses come to mind but she knows what Aiwë needs now is action, not explanations.

She hesitates, then nods. "Okay. I'm..." She bites her lip and closes her eyes for a moment, then opens them, face determined, and eyes-stars violet and steady. "I'm right behind you."

"I'm right behind you."

There is still a painful lack of luster in Aiwë's brown eyes, but the side of her mouth curves into a smile.

"I'm glad to hear it," she says quietly. After a moment she claps her hands together.

"Now, my friend Aldous has been kicked in the gut about four times today, why don't you start there? I'll get to cleaning up the Duke's office, and then I have some information the party needs to hear. Sounds good?" She looks between Dieter, Koveras, and Stella.